Where Do Friends Come From? "Third Places" Like Random Strangers Jam

Everyone who walks in the door at Random Strangers Jam is a stranger welcome to join the jam - whether that's as a performer or listener. It's a basic concept on the surface, but the true implications of this openness are profound.

As an adult, how many places can you show up, authentically share yourself with other people, and form new connections with strangers without paying a ton of money?

Third Places

"Third Places" were coined by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg in 1989 to describe public places where people can enjoy company and conversation outside of their home ("first place") and work ("second place").   

In 2023, University of Chicago released research on the importance of Third Spaces for the development of culture, stating, "For Americans, third places are where we can both affirm our own identities and build empathy for identities different from our own."

Growing up there was school as a "second place" and then TONS of "third places." The library. The neighborhood friends. Sports teams. Band. Theater. Math and Language clubs. The list goes on.

As adults, there's work. And...? Where are the third places or third spaces in modern life? Where do we go to affirm our identities and build empathy for identities different from our own?

In 2019, The National Institute of Health released a study noting an ongoing closure of third places and an anticipated negative impact on collective health and wellbeing.

The New York Times followed this up in April 2025 with a piece titled, "Where have all the Third Places Gone?" detailing the continued collapse of third places in the wake of the post-COVID economy.

It is no wonder our country is more divided than ever when the spaces for seeing, hearing, and accepting each others' identities are shuttering at record speeds.

Stranger danger has taken over outside home and work. Anxiety and distrust of each other’s "otherness" is on the rise.

It is because most people I know just rely on coworkers or college friends as their primary social group despite the fact the only real commonality between any of these people is the work they do. If these people were to randomly meet each other in a room without the work environment shaping them, they'd never talk.

So, where do you go when work friends and old college buddies don't cut it? When a part of you needs to be seen that no one sees?

Where do you go if you have one of these post-COVID remote work from home jobs and never actually meet your coworkers face to face?

An ideal "Third Place"?

It's a question I struggled with when I moved to New York City in August 2021 with a new job at the Bronx Zoo. Workplaces were making back-to-office plans with COVID vaccinations becoming widely available so I re-located in anticipation of a hybrid work schedule.

Barely 2 weeks after the move, my role was declared fully remote.

There I was. New to NYC. Working in my studio apartment. Alone with my dog. No idea how to meet people.

Where do adults make new friends? Where are the Third Places?

Sitting at a bar and chatting up other drinkers has never really been my style. I am not religious so showing up to a weekend service would be inauthentic. Joining an adult soccer league has been out of the question because of an injury from over a decade ago.

Who were my childhood best friends and how did we spend our time?

I sat there. Staring at the vinyl records lining the walls of my apartment.

It hit me.

Music.

All my best friends were the kids I jammed with from middle school through college. Sure, sports friends were fun to party with but all the late-night philosophical conversations that felt like truly formative experiences were friends with whom I shared a love of music.

And how did those jams happen?

I organized them at my house.

I created the space for it to happen.

Creating A Third Space

So, what if as adults, the same need exists? What if there are thousands of adults stuck at their jobs wishing they could still jam just waiting for someone to organize them?

Why not me? Why not do it right now?

I knew if I was thinking about jamming, then there was no way I was alone.

No one forgets or gives up their love of playing their instrument. It can be buried. But in the pursuit of lasting happiness, this love will always resurface. Always.

Until it becomes a part of your daily life, it will always be what is missing from your daily life.

The reality is though, most employed adults don't have the time to find band mates, schedule rehearsals, find repertoire, practice, promote. Organizing takes time.

When Random Strangers Jam was approached by a booking manager in spring 2022, RSJ was just a private jam session organized in a rehearsal studio (check out my blog on how RSJ started).

Moving Random Strangers Jam to a public space meant turning it into a true third place: A free, public space where you can affirm your own identity while building empathy for identities different from your own.

A place where all skill levels and genres are welcome to join the community. A place where new voices are welcomed and no one is shamed for trying.

So, where do friends come from?

A jam session where every random stranger jams. Check out our upcoming jams and find your third place in New York City.